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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The top 15 musical numbers

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The top 15 musical numbers

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It’s no secret that Rachel Bloom and the writing staff over at Crazy Ex-Girlfriend are geniuses. The show is a hysterical musical comedy that critics love. The best moments in the show are often songs – whether they are making us laugh until we cry, or just cutting straight to the tears, here are the fifteen best musical numbers from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, ranked.

15. I Could If I Wanted To

Sure, I could get an A if I wanted to get an A
But who cares about an A? I don’t
I don’t care
Although, I coulda made that grade
If I did care. But I don’t
But I could if I wanted to

“I Could If I Wanted To” is catchy, clever, and oh-so-relatable. If you claim you haven’t grumbled around convincing yourself that you definitely could have what you want if you only actually tried, you’re probably lying. Santino Fontana slays the delivery with this number, perfectly conveying Greg’s “whoop-de-freaking-do” attitude in a way that only he can. This number has us relating so much to Greg that it’s almost a personal insult when a woman calls him an idiot at the end.

14. After Everything I’ve Done For You

After everything I’ve done for you,
That you didn’t ask for, the least
You can do is be honest with
your mother – I mean, friend

In one of the most revealing songs of the series, we learn a lot about Paula. It’s no secret that she sees herself as a maternal figure to Rebecca, but it wasn’t until “After Everything I’ve Done For You” that we saw how far it went. Paula has multiple slips in which she directly refers to herself as Rebecca’s mother – even once stating that she “lived in [her] womb – figuratively”. We also learn just how powerful Paula’s behind the scenes work has been. Any positive development with Josh that was not directly orchestrated by Rebecca was controlled by Paula on the down-low – including Rebecca being a bridesmaid for Josh’s sister and even Valencia’s yoga schedule. It’s an important moment in the series, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that it’s performed by the talented Donna Lynne Champlin.

13. Santa Ana Winds

Hello there, it’s me
I’m the Santa Ana winds
I cause allergies
I also make things weird

Who’s your favorite Crazy Ex-Girlfriend character? Mine is the wind. (I’m kidding, mostly.) A personified “Devil Wind” singing about making things weird shouldn’t work, but it does. The song “Santa Ana Winds” brilliantly furthers the plot, plus it will be stuck in your head for the rest of the week. It’s also entertainingly meta – the wind outright states that he is “also kind of a narrator,” which is true. Eric Michael Roy’s personified wind is hands-down the best part of the episode.

12. We’ll Never Have Problems Again

Okay, so you guys are
like super delusional.

It’s no secret that Rebecca sees the world (and especially Josh) through rose-colored glasses. This song illustrates that idea through a 70’s style musical number, and it’s amazing. The best part of the song, though, is not even sung. Heather steals the spotlight here with her little comments about Rebecca and Josh’s delusion. Heather seems to be the only rational person on this show sometimes, and it’s always fantastic when she reacts to the world around her. Another great thing about this song is the small meta reference it makes to the show’s initial theme song. “For one it’s a lot less nuanced than that” directly references one of Rebecca’s lines in the season one intro (“It’s a lot more nuanced than that”). Crazy Ex-Girlfriend excels in self-referential jokes, and this line is a shining example.

11. We Tapped That Ass

We tapped that ass all over this house
You’ll never escape us
‘Cause we live in your head
Just two swell dudes that you screwed

Josh and Greg musically reminding Rebecca of their various sexual encounters is going to be hilarious regardless of how it’s done. But man, is it done well. The puns in this song are numerous and so full of sexual innuendo, it’s a bit surprising it made it through The CW’s censors! But the best part of the song might be the brief cameo from Rebecca’s season one hookup, Xander, who joins in with “I also tapped that ass all over this house!”

10. Who’s The New Guy?

Why should we root
For someone male
Straight and white?

This song is as meta as it gets, and it’s incredible. The employees of Whitefeather & Associates voice the concerns of the audience regarding Scott Michael Foster’s new character, Nathaniel. The characters directly reference aspects of the show and then clarify them in a way that technically pulls them back from the fourth wall. For example, when Tim questions, “Do we really need a new guy this far into the season?” he quickly clarifies “And by far into the season, I mean it’s almost fall!” And when Karen hilariously wonders, “Is this some desperate move to try and help our ratings?” the rest of the staff ask, “You mean our terrible ratings on Legalscores.com?” Crazy Ex plays with the fourth wall here in a way that has never been done before, and somehow manages to pull it off in spectacular fashion.

9. I Gave You a UTI

My sweet love injection
Caused a urinary tract infection!
I’m just that good! I didn’t even try, try, try!
I gave you a UTI!

Only Crazy Ex-Girlfriend can make a song about a UTI so catchy, you’ll find yourself humming it in the waiting room of your doctor’s office. When Greg discovers that Rebecca is suffering a UTI (which can be caused by too much sex) he decides it’s a badge of honor and does a happy dance – literally. It’s hysterical because it is truly just such a guy thing to do. Greg is careful to ensure that no one misunderstands though, taking a moment to sing, “I gave you a UTI! Not an STD! Just to clarify.”

8. Sexy Getting Ready Song

This is how you get ready?
This is horrifying, like a scary movie or something
Like some nasty-ass patriarchal bullshit
You know what? I got to go apologize to some bitches
I’m forever changed after what I just seen

For many fans, “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” is when Crazy Ex-Girlfriend hooked them. The number aired in the pilot but was also used as promotional material for the show – many people tuned into Crazy Ex purely because they enjoyed this video. The song is funny and relatable, following Rebecca as she gets ready for her big date with Josh Greg. It calls attention to the double standard women experience – Rebecca spends hours plucking, pruning, and squeezing herself into Spanx just to look acceptable, while Greg wakes up from a nap and immediately leaves the house. The process even affects the rapper in the number – he later calls a list of women to apologize for his past behaviors.

7. I’m the Villain in My Own Story

I’m the villain in my own story
My actions have gone way too far
I told myself that I was Jasmine
But I realize now I’m Jafar

“I’m the Villain in My Own Story” is such an important moment in Rebecca’s narrative. After a season of plotting and scheming to be with Josh (who is dating Valencia) Rebecca realizes that although she saw herself as the good guy, her effects on others have been terrible. This is a breakthrough moment for the character, as she is finally able to see her actions with some clarity – she realizes that Valencia is a real person that she is hurting with her actions, and she finally gains a semi-healthy perspective on her life.

6. What’ll It Be

Hey, West Covina
You know just where to find me
I’ll never go far, so pull up to the bar
Hey, West Covina
What’ll it be?

Jokes aside, this is a genuinely very good song. While most of Crazy Ex‘s songs are full of jokes and references, this one has very few. Instead, we get a real look at Greg’s character. The bartender feels trapped in his hometown, unable to escape. What starts as a play on “Piano Man” quickly evolves into a ballad that can easily stand on its own. Greg personifies the town of West Covina in these lyrics, as he feels the town itself is responsible for his inability to grow – he’s not far off, in fact, as Brosh McKenna has stated that West Covina operates as a sort of purgatory for the characters, and that most of them truly are stuck.

5. It Was a Shit Show

And when you speak, my knees get weak
I can’t believe what I’m sacrificing
But let’s get real, we know the deal
So darling let’s not tip-toe
This thing we had was not just bad, it was a shit show

This was the moment the Crazy Ex fandom collectively thought, “Wait – is Greg ACTUALLY leaving?!” Our worst fears were confirmed, as this was Santino Fontana’s final episode. This song delicately walks the line between funny and truly heartbreaking. Rebecca and Greg really do love each other, but Greg finally recognizes that their relationship is toxic for the both of them. This song highlights Greg’s emotional growth, where before he was stuck in a singular moment he now is planning for and thinking about the future. What puts this song in the top five, though, is that it underscores the moment when Rebecca, along with the audience, realize Greg is gone for good.

4. You Stupid Bitch

You ruined everything
You stupid, stupid bitch
You’re just a lying little bitch who ruins things
And wants the world to burn

Ah, “You Stupid Bitch”. The anthem of women everywhere who are way too hard on themselves. This song beautifully captures what it’s like to hate yourself, while also calling attention to unrealistic standards put on women – “and lose some weight.” This song is great for the moments when you mess up so badly you don’t know what to do. What often starts as angry singing along will often morph into an understanding of how ridiculously hard on herself Bex is being here, which will allow you, too, to see your own criticisms in a different light. Plus, this song is genuinely hilarious and catchy.

3. The Season One Theme Song

I Was
Working hard at a New York job
Making dough but it made me blue
One day I was crying a lot
And so I decided to move to
West Covina, California!

The first season’s theme song was a perfect intro to every episode. It introduced new viewers to the show’s general premise, and it was absolutely impossible not to sing along to (once you mastered the lyrics). Unfortunately, by the time we were able to ramble out all those words as quickly as Rebecca, the song was replaced by the inferior “I’m Just a Girl in Love”. #BringBackTheThemeSong2K17

2. Sexy French Depression

I walk, oh, so slowly
I can only breathe and sigh. (sighs)
My bed smells like a tampon
I’m in a sexy French depression

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has a talent for tackling important issues through parody, and “Sexy French Depression” is perhaps the best example. Calling attention to the unhealthy romanticization of mental health issues (specifically depression) Rebecca claims she’s in a sexy depression, while listing actual symptoms of depression that are far from sexy. While Rebecca seductively sings in French, subtitles reveal that what she is actually saying is “My anxiety is so out of control that all I can think about is thinking about thinking about thinking about fixing everything I’ve ever done wrong and all of the ways I’ve already f**ked up my life beyond repair,” which is far from sexy.

1. Gettin’ Bi

It’s not a phase;
I’m not confused;
Not indecisive;
I don’t have the “gotta choose” blues
I don’t care if you wear high heels or a tie
You might just catch my eye
Because I’m definitely bi

Obviously, “Gettin’ Bi” has to top any list of Crazy Ex songs. The scene where Darryl Whitefeather proudly announces his bisexuality quickly went viral – and for good reason! The song presents a view of bisexuality that is unheard of in media. Darryl is happy and proud to be exactly who he is – a middle-aged man who likes ladies and guys. Plus, the song takes more than one shot at bisexual erasure. It’s really no wonder that many bisexual viewers (and non-viewers) consider this song their anthem.

 

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has given us so many incredible songs, it would be impossible to list all of them (in fact, this article began as a top 10 but had to be stretched to 15). With such a talented writing staff and performers, there’s sure to be more favorites headed our way in Crazy Ex‘s third season.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend returns Friday, October 13th at 8/7c on The CW. For more Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, be sure to check back with us here at Pure Fandom, and tune in for our recaps in the fall!

 

Reagan Pierce Reagan studies English and Film Studies at Texas Tech University. She aspires to be a film and television critic or entertainment writer. She loves all things TV and film. She spends her free time obsessing and blogging about Arrow, Teen Wolf, and Supergirl. Her favorite superhero is Lois Lane.