I used to pretend that I was Princess Ariel from Disney’s The Little Mermaid, and I would comb my hair with a fork. I did not get far with that one.
It is safe to say that a lot of us are fans of Disney. But we must admit that their films have been congested with unreal notions of life, in general. I had lived my entire childhood with the belief that, everything in films was real. Unfortunately, when I had reached my 20s, I had begun to realize that the films were merely selling me lies. My dreams had been crushed.
As time had progressed, however, artists had begun to depict objects and subjects with a more realistic presentation (insert the “raising both hands in celebration” emoji, here). Moana, for example, has a realistic body shape, one where she can physically hold her own and will not “be blown over by a strong wind,” or so said director John Musker.
Princess Anna, of Frozen, is one more prime example. Not only does she suffer from severe bedhead in the mornings, but she fancies spending many an hour stuffing chocolate in her face.
Also, do you remember when Anna first encounters Prince Hans? She babbles, “This is awkward. Not, you’re awkward, but just ‘cause we’re—I’m awkward, you’re gorgeous. Wait, what?”
Now, let us take a look at five instances when our beloved characters had it wrong.
1. That you can fall in love with someone at first sight.
While it sounds wonderful to fall in love at first sight, in reality, this fairy tale is rare. I would say that it is more of lust at first sight—physical attraction, specifically. Love takes longer to develop. Perhaps, a distinction must first be made between love and lust. Maybe, one can fall in love, upon three days?
Nope. Still nope.
2. That animals can talk.
This was probably the biggest letdown for me, here. I had always wished that my pets would talk back to me. Thanks a lot, Disney … you ruined it.
3. That you can get large by eating four dozen eggs.
Okay, look. 60 eggs, in one day? That is just too many. Consuming that amount—every day, I might add—is one expensive habit. Additionally, it is unnecessary, for I am certain that the recommended caloric intake is way, way below that of Gaston’s.
Gaston needs to chill.
4. That you can remove all of your makeup with your sleeve.
Do you see that up there? I mean, damn—Mulan wipes make-up off of half of her face, completely and fully and perfectly, with just her sleeve. It takes me three wet wipes!
Also, that she can apply eyeliner, in one go? That is false advertising, girl.
5. That you can emerge from underwater with perfect hair.
For someone who loves oceans, I know for a fact that, when you emerge from salt water, your hair is left a tangled mess. Ariel’s hair remains untangled and, somehow, volumized! WTF conditioner is she using?
Disney had lied to its (general) audience about hair care, making them believe that they can grow their hair out without breakage. (Just another example!)
Well, Princess Rapunzel’s hair grows and heals…but, still, how dare they?
What do you think? Do you agree/disagree with me? What did I miss? Comment, below!
(Featured image via theodysseyonline.com.)