This recaps the ‘Game of Thrones’ season 6 finale, “Winds of Winter.” If you haven’t watched it yet, seriously WTF is wrong with you? Go watch it. Now.
The biggest theory ever was confirmed, there’s a new ruler on the Iron Throne, there was a wildfire explosion, a breakup in Mereen … it was a f**king epic finale. Let’s break it down!
Sorry, House Tyrell.
What does Cersei do when you put her in a corner? She blows your ass up. Remember how there is a shit ton of wildfire buried in King’s Landing, and how The Mad King was going to use it to blow everyone up? So does Cersei. She executed a brilliant comeback plan and reminded us all why we should be terrified of her. She had The Mountain prevent Tommen from going to the Sept so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate as his wife (plus her family), and the entire Seven. Margaery knew something horrible was happening because she knows the wrath of Cersei, but she trusted that the High Sparrow would handle her.
Natalie Dormer, who plays Margaery, spoke to Variety about her death on the show:
“She had the reins taken away from her, from being in control of the situation; the High Sparrow took the reins and it proves that he underestimated Cersei in a way that Margaery never would have. Margaery is a fatality of the High Sparrow underestimating Cersei.”
What is House Tyrell’s next step towards revenge? Partnering with Dorne, of course! We finally found out what the hell is happening in Dorne after Oberyn’s lover killed their ruler. Lady Olenna is the last Tyrell standing (we had our money she’d survive everything anyways), and is pissed that her whole family has been wiped out. Varys is also present, and we see that he’s now secured House Tyrell and Dorne to back Dany as she takes back the throne.
This is almost too epic. Cersei is now the ruler of Westeros (like, WTF, for real? Her dress was fierce AF tho), and Dany is on her way to taking back the throne. Jaime killed Dany’s dad, and we all know she will in some way epically rid the world of Cersei.
Speaking of goodbyes…
Goodbye #1: Tommen! His bae of a wife was just blown up, as was everything he’s believed in, and his mom is the biggest bag of dicks in Westeros. We don’t blame the guy. What will Cersei do now that ALL of her kids are dead? What does she have to live for? Is Jaime enough?
Side note: Can we also talk about how brilliant the directing was of the entire King’s Landing showdown? Miguel Sapochnik is the director, the same one that did last season’s “Hardhome” and this season’s “Battle of the Bastards.” We love how he set up the Tommen scene. Raise your hand if your jaw dropped when Tommen slyly walked from the window like “NBD”, then was like “NVM JK, just going to hop off of here real quick. Thanks for taking care of The Seven for me, mom, but I gotta go.”
Goodbye #2: Davos tells Jon what Milesandre did to Stannis’ daughter, and Jon bans her from Winterfell. We’re OK with this, because this bitch will always serve the Lord of Light, so she’ll still do whatever she needs to from afar to do his bidding. (Let’s just hope his bidding continues to be to serve Jon Snow.) Is her significance done, or do we have more to come from her next season? We could see her riding to King’s Landing, eventually meeting up with Dany there, then seeing in the fire or something about Jon’s real parents and convincing Dany to go to him.
LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT TOWER SCENE THO.
YES! THE TOWER SCENE IS COMPLETE!
We all knew it was coming, we knew what was true, and it was marvelous. Bran wargs into another red-leafed tree and finishes what he saw previously, confirming the biggest theory ever: Lyanna died giving birth to Jon Snow, begged Ned to protect him so Robert Baratheon wouldn’t kill him, and Ned took Jon as his bastard. We actually started watching the first season after the finale (because how else are we supposed to pass the time to season 7), and we were reminded how f**king epic Ned Stark is. The guy is f**king bae. The North Remembers!
Beyoncé, who? All hail the real queen, Lady Mormont.
Lyanna Mormont is the biggest boss in all of Westeros. We’re just going to leave you with this right here.
Ladies rule the world.
Dany now has the Iron Islands, Dorne, House Tyrell – all houses run by bad bitches. Lady Mormont just gave an epic speech to rally the North. Our prediction is that when Dany eventually comes face-to-face with her nephew Jon Snow that will not be the only thing that solidifies their union. Lady Mormont will, too – and not just because she’s a badass, but because her cousin is Ser Jorah.
Yeah, we forgot about that, too.
Sansa and Littlefinger
Littlefinger creepily professes his desire for the Iron Throne and love for Sansa, and she refuses him (for now.) He tells her that the North will rally behind a true Stark and not a bastard, but obvi he was wrong on that one. During the rallying moment after Lady Mormont’s epic speech, we saw Petyr give Sansa a look that made us all worried.
What does he have up his sleeve? Our guess is that Sansa is pregs with Ramsay’s baby, and Petyr knows it. She can opt to get rid of the baby, but there’s a huge risk of death in that, so her best bet may be to marry Petyr and pretend the baby is his. Things are going too well for Sansa right now, so this wouldn’t surprise us.
ARYA!!!
In one of the most epic scenes of the show, House Stark finally gets revenge on House Frey. The North remembers, mother f**cker.
(P.S. We totally knew she took some faces on her way out of Braavos.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_pyHcvH0kM
The worst breakup ever.
OK, so we get why Dany can’t bring Daario to Westeros. She doesn’t need the distraction of his perfect pene while she’s trying to take over the world. That doesn’t mean that scene wasn’t the most romantic shit to ever happen on the show, though. The brother/sister moment between Dany and Tyrion was also amazing, and it will be even more wondrous when it’s revealed that Tyrion is also a Targaryen (because it’s happening, guys.)
Also, this is the only man we’d be fine with marrying Dany at this point:
Time to sail, bitches.
Dany has her ships, she has her army, and she’s heading to Westeros. Our bet is that there will be an insane battle in King’s Landing, and then Dany will take her rule up to Winterfell where she and Jon will fight the White Walkers. Boom. You’re welcome.
Winter is finally f**cking here (almost.)
It’s snowing in Winterfell and a white raven from the Citadel arrived. The North knows that the real storm is still on its way. It’s time for an epic showdown!
Season 7 wish list:
- A proper Stark reunion with all the remaining Starks.
- A proper direwolf reunion (Where TF is Nymeria?! Arya sent her off after she bit Joffrey, and we haven’t seen her since. We’d also be fine with Cersei getting mauled to death by a direwolf.)
- Update on Brienne and Poddrick.
- A Lord of Light explanation. Is the god good or bad? We’re confused. Like we hate you, but we also love you for bringing Jon back so … yeah.
- Jon Snow and Dany having aunt/nephew time, PLUS it being revealed that Tyrion is a Mad King bastard.
- Tyrion riding a dragon.
- Cersei dying.
- Dany ruling the world.
Comment your predictions below, and tune in this week for our next Talking TV podcast where we’ll talk all things GoT.
More Game of Thrones:
Check out how they make the White Walkers.
A behind-the-scenes look at the special effects of Battle of the Bastards
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Image: HBO
