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16 things I wish had happened during ‘Teen Wolf’ 5×16

(Image credit: mtv.com)

You guys, I hate to say this but “Lie Ability” was not a good episode. I’m willing to forgive a lot from Teen Wolf because it’s a show I love dearly and aside from being an occasional wonderful little gem, it has also helped me through some tough times. That being said, I am not blind to its deficiencies. I think we can collectively admit that it hasn’t quite been the same show after season 4 sort of, um…imploded on itself but 5A was entertaining and I was hoping 5B would bring on more of that, with some of the show’s trademark humor and campiness. It hasn’t really been the case so far, but last week’s episode was so good I really wasn’t expecting such a letdown for 5×16. In that spirit, I’m going to mostly ignore what actually happened during this episode in favor of what I wish had happened. Read on!

1. The whole episode should have been Stiles and Theo running around damp, disgusting corridors, banging on pipes and feuding verbally with each other. Now that I could have been on board with.

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Yes Theo, destroy ALL the doors!

2. A worthy alternative would have been Mason psyching himself for for 40minutes, all while cursing all his supernatural friends.

3. Speaking of, at first when Mason started talking of the “transformer shed” I understood “transformer sh!t” which I found highly amusing until I realized Teen Wolf would (sadly) never have gone there. I’m pretending he did say my version though, since it fitted the situation particularly well.

4. “I should’ve stayed in the desert with the Skinwalkers.”- Kira, voicing everything I’ve been thinking since she came back. Yes, you should have, and please bring the Chimera Pack with you.

5. Theo and Parrish taking part in some friendly dart-throwing instead of Hellhound impaling.

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6. Deucalion needs to find some of that old Demon Wolf mojo, pick himself up and wreak havock in the Dread Doctor’s lair. This way he could have neutralized Hayden with the Kanima venom and actually taken part in the action. I think we can all agree that more Deucalion screentime can never be a bad thing. (Unless he starts gouging out everyone’s eyes, that is). Doesn’t he have a vendetta against Scott? Shouldn’t he get started on that? Buddy, you only have 4 episodes left to retrieve Scott’s eyeballs. That two episodes per eyeball, get on it!

7. Still believing in Santa at 9 years old is probably the oddest thing Theo has revealed so far (and this includes him stealing his sister’s heart, so.) To be fair, it isn’t any less improbable than werewolves, chimeras, dark druids and bipedal lizard men so he kind of has a point. Now I’m left wondering what else he believed in as a kid. The Tooth Fairy? Cue 5 year old Theo knocking out his classmates’ teeth in order to start a savings account for future psychopathic endeavours.

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8. Malia, honey. Stop hanging around electrically unsafe Kitsunes, get out of this town and live a happy life in Hawaii or somewhere else equally exotic and fun. (OK, maybe not Hawaii since apparently there’s a dengue fever outbreak right now, but you get the gist). And please take Stiles with you.

 

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9. If that can’t happen, let’s bring the Desert Wolf back ASAP. At least she makes things interesting.

10. Let. Corey. Die…. (again). Listen, at some point you have to accept the (super)natural law of things and stop trying to save characters no one cares about, m’kay?

11. Reveal who the Beast is. This has been dragging on for 6 episodes already, and while I realize the chances of us learning which kid is unknowingly turning into a gigantic shadow beast are pretty much nil before the season finale, a girl can hope. We did get confirmation it’s a teenager though, thus eliminating Gerard and any of the parents. What, it could totally have been Mama Martin! That lady is scary and she neutralized a Chimera, you don’t want to mess with her.

12. Natalie Martin should really seek advice before committing her only daughter to a dodgy psychiatric ward though. “Can someone please get my daughter out of this hell hole.” Lady, your outrage is severely undermined by the fact that you were the one to put Lydia in said- hell hole.

13. For the love of everything supernatural, stop trying to make Stiles and Lydia happen. She has never shown any romantic interest in him and his school boy obsession with her was borderline creepy. These two evolved into having a great friendship, let’s not ruin it for fan pandering reasons, all right? Also I miss Malia and Stiles together, let’s go back to that.

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14. Remember when Stiles got thrown into the air by Lydia’s scream and Scott caught him? More of that, STAT.

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Hey, I never said I played fair.

15.  Considering what Dr. Valack’s mask did to Nurse Cross (yes, seriously, that is her name. It’s like the Beacon Hills version of “Werewolf McWerewolf” Remus Lupin), let’s not entrust Theo with it and rather have it burned to a crisp by Parrish. While we’re at it, I’m thinking he could be pretty awesome to have around during a barbecue or for roasting smores. Someone organize this, these kids need a break from the crazy and so do I.

16. Instead of having Liam and Hayden promise eternal love to each other (at 16, no less. Let that sink in.), make them take part in a school project for once. Surely everyone’s failing their classes by now?!

 

All in all…I was not wowed by this episode, so I really hope the following ones are better. Apparently there’s going to be lacrosse in 5×17 which isn’t promising unless we get some shirtless locker scenes and Isaac swoops back in, but 5×18 is the flashback episode and that means CRYSTAL REED. Until then, friends, I’ll be wallowing in Stiles & Malia nostalgia because I can.

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Bonus: this sums up how I feel pretty well.

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Cecile

With a double major in engineering and fangirling, Cecile frequently feels like she lives in the wrong time zone and has become increasingly familiar with sleep deprivation. The fact that she hates coffee doesn’t help, either. Her super powers include convincing friends to watch and become obsessed with 'Teen Wolf', one adorable Stiles GIF-set at a time.

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