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25 very important thoughts about ‘Teen Wolf’ 5×14

(Image credit: mtv.com)

Season 5, Episode 14, “The Sword and the Spirit,” Aired Jan 26, 2016

Remember when Teen Wolf was supposed to be “lighter” and “back to season 1 fun” before the season premiered? Surprise, surprise, this is so not the case. Between the Sheriff almost dying, Lydia being stuck in Eichen House and the new Beast roaming around with torn off heads (sans bodys, naturally) in its hands, I’m not really seeing the show’s trademark campy humor y’know? Still, if you really look for it and don’t take things too seriously, it’s always possible to find some fun and work out a Teen Wolf recap that doesn’t make you want to sob. Read on and enjoy!

1. Chris is here!! We like Chris. And his beard. Gerard, not so much. Necessary evil, necessary schmevil, please make yourself useful and retrieve Isaac from wherever he’s gallivanting about.

2. Hey Teen Wolf, if I wanted to be traumatized by bugs crawling everywhere I would watch Candyman. So. Many. Bodies. (23, to be perfectly exact). Why are the Dread Doctors pulling a Hellhound and hiding them all?!

3. Did Stiles get a haircut? Did he go to the same place Malia went to get that short bob? Is there even a hairdresser in Beacon Hills? Does that person also double as the high school swim coach? These are very important questions, I need answers.

4. Meredith is in dire need of some good conditioner, maybe Stiles can hook her up. Well, if she was real, which she isn’t. THAT SCREAM THOUGH. Girl’s got a pair of lungs on her!

5. “Sure, Theo. Go ahead and inject wolfsbane directly in my neck. I trust you,” –said Malia, who is about to lose her eyesight and also her mind.

mtv.com
mtv.com

6. “This is going to hurt,” – answered Theo, a questionable smile appearing on his face at the idea of torture and murderous birth mothers.

mtv.com
mtv.com

7. Or maybe he’s talking about Malia bringing overalls back in style, which is far worse than any creature Beacon Hills could cook up to terrorize the population. Overalls. The horror. *shudders*

8. Speaking of, Beacon Hills is getting a curfew because apparently 36874157 unexplained deaths is the number that finally does it. FINALLY!

9. Sorry Kira, but your sword is less Narsil and more “I found this at the toy store, it lights up when you shake it.”

10. I need Lydia to wake up because unlike Malia, I can’t pull off crazy cardigans and shorts combos and I need her flowery dress-y wardrobe back in my life. That hospital gown would be a little hard to rock, even on a good hair day.

11. Someone please stop Stiles from ruining me forever with his little speeches and FEELINGS, UGH.

12. The Desert Wolf lost part of her powers (somehow I doubt this’ll make her less lethal) when Malia was born. Ah, this explains why she wants to kill her, but how did it happen? I assume not all were-parents lose their were-ish-ness when they procreate, otherwise Talia Hale wouldn’t have been the Super Alpha that she was. Maybe only the terrible, awful ones then.

13. Wandering around damp tunnels with your angry Beta is the new Couples Therapy.

14. “Who’s the old guy?” Liam is all of us when faced with Gerard.

15. “Technically, I did kill Scott.” Obligatory:

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16. Oh no, he DIDN’T. Theo, I was willing to excuse pretty much anything from you since you’re such a good villain but hurting Malia after promising to help her find the Desert Wolf and Deaton is a heeeeell no, from me.

17. Beastus Interruptus (i.e. hello there terrifying shadow creature, please join the conversation)

18. The Desert Wolf can only retrieve Malia’s powers on a full moon, according to Deaton. How convenient.

19. Think fast, Deat-Deat, you’re about to join the Great Animal Clinic in the Sky while stuck in a chair, which isn’t the way anyone wants to go, really.

20. Meanwhile, Warm Bodies: the Chimera Edition have been hard at work on finding a certain Demon Wolf. Hey, it’s our old friend Deucalion, he’s blind (again) and on a mission to get one Scott McCall’s eyeballs for a very special marshmallow roasting.

21. Scott McCall’s Eyeballs would be a cool band name.

22. That band would involve Deucalion at the mic, the Twinzillas doing harmonies and guitar/bass, and Kali on the drums.

23. I wonder if she finally got that manicure she desperately needed. Probs not since she died, but you never know.

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24. Someone needs to write this fanfic ASAP.

25. All is well that ends well, the pack is back minus no-longer-catatonic Lydia.

That’s it for this week, check back in next Tuesday for the “Saving Lydia Martin” two-parter: “Amplification”!

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Cecile

With a double major in engineering and fangirling, Cecile frequently feels like she lives in the wrong time zone and has become increasingly familiar with sleep deprivation. The fact that she hates coffee doesn’t help, either. Her super powers include convincing friends to watch and become obsessed with 'Teen Wolf', one adorable Stiles GIF-set at a time.

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