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‘Teen Wolf’: Ghosts of (Derek Hale’s) girlfriends past

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Derek ‘Anytime I Fall For A Girl Just Assume She’s The Worst Villain To Ever Villain’ Hale has a certain … reputation, when it comes to his taste in women. You might even say he has a type. The “damaged, clinically insane, vengeful to the point of being murderous” type. To be fair though, part (and when I say part, I mean 99%) of the blame lies on Dear Uncle Peter. Every single time.

1. The Catalyst

High-waisted jeans aside, (I’m not sure which decade this storyline was supposed to take place in since Derek and Peter were “Not as young as we could’ve been but not as old as you might think.” but that’s really no excuse for such a fashion faux-pas, even at the tender age of 15) Derek would’ve had a hard time finding anyone better than Paige.

Smart, witty and beautiful, her only drawback was, well, her up and dying on Derek. Literally. And while her coming back as a ghost with Derek taking up pottery to channel his grief would have made for some entertaining scenes, it was never to be. Thus, relationship doomed.

Always-Blame-Peter-o-Meter: 4*/5
Peter was the one who convinced Derek that Paige needed to be turned (for obscure reasons also known as “I like to stir sh*t up because I can”) which led to her death and the beginning of Derek’s never-ending guilt

2. Like you like an arsonist

Kate Argent has a thing for young (read: teen) guys. Exhibit A: Derek. Exhibit B: lusting after Scott and Jackson in a “Am I not the coolest Aunt ever, so hip and also casually assaulting youths!” way. Exhibit C: Derek AGAIN. A vulnerable, memory-deprived, suddenly thrown into the present-day world, Derek. Kate Argent is also a werewolf hunter. Her mistress master plan? Seducing a teen werewolf in order to eradicate his entire family. Girl, your hair might defy logic and remain flawless in increasingly deadly situations but you have issues and couples’ therapy wasn’t going to cut it.

Always-Blame-Peter-o-Meter: 5*/5
Not only would Derek probably not have fallen prey to Kate if Paige had lived, but Peter failed again when he ripped Kate’s throat out and she came back as a were-jaguar.

“Well, when you progress to your next killing spree, why don’t you try and make sure they all stay dead?”

Right on, Malia.

3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

I guess near-death experiences involving gaping wounds are a turn-on for these people? Or maybe Derek is a sucker for high-school originating romances? In any case, Miss Blake’s awkward but lovable English teacher persona didn’t last once she revealed her true colors (i.e.: a stormy autumn leaves, crimson blood, pallid skin palette) and Derek was not here for it. Nor, as it turns out, was Stiles.

Always-Blame-Peter-o-Meter: 3*/5
Paige’s sacrifice on the Nemeton’s roots allowed for a mutilated Jennifer to survive all those years ago … and come back, thinking she and Derek shared some kind of bond. Sure, Jennifer, the “no way in hell” bond.

4. The Exception 

Braeden … actually, Braeden is the best. Sure, she’s a mercenary but she’s also fierce, reliable, loyal and more than anything: a survivor. She cares about Derek and she’s got her priorities straight when it comes to Peter. Girl is flawless.

So all is well that ends well, Derek and Braeden can ride into the sunset together, on her motorbike, with Derek wearing one of those flappy (wolf) ears helmets. As for Peter, well…


With a double major in engineering and fangirling, Cecile frequently feels like she lives in the wrong time zone and has become increasingly familiar with sleep deprivation. The fact that she hates coffee doesn’t help, either. Her super powers include convincing friends to watch and become obsessed with 'Teen Wolf', one adorable Stiles GIF-set at a time.

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