What. The. F*ck. Just. Happened? True Blood’s season 6 finale was packed full of both the expected and unexpected. Bill losing his powers? Expected. Warlow biting the dust? Expected. Sookie and Alcide being together, an outbreak of Hep V putting both humans and vampires at risk, and seeing Eric’s junk burst into flames? Unexpected. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.
Fun In The Sun: The vampires from the camp are still on a fae-blood high and loving life right now. They mosey over to Bill’s house for a day full of frolicking, dancing, volleyball and getting it on. Someone even asks, “Who’s making a Target run?” I’m utterly shocked Bon Temps even has a Target. Violet is still obsessed with Jason who has somehow fallen in love with her aggressive, European ways. She’s totally jealous of Jessica though. She knows her and Jason have a history and that they are meant to be together, because they are. #TeamJasica. While everyone’s soaking up the sun, Pam tells Tara that she’s going to find Eric. Tara’s pissed, but off Pam shoots into the sky to seek out her maker. Sookie and Alcide (after flirting in the cemetery) stumble upon the day-walking vamps. Alcide asks “how is this even possible,” and I’m only assuming he’s referring to how unbelievable it is that all those vamps have flawless, rocking bodies. I don’t get it either, Alcide. Eternal death treats people so well. Somehow, Sookie isn’t even phased about the sight of her brother being fed off by a half-dressed vampire. Violet greets her with a full on kiss and proclaims that Jason’s family is her family. How sweet. Poor Sook is just trying to say goodbye to her brother before she becomes a fairy princess bride.
Here Comes The Bride: Sookie returns to Warlow in the fae plane in the cemetery and sees him preparing their wedding maypole. Not going to lie, that shit was beautiful. Warlow is craftier than mother f*cking Martha Stewart. Too bad the romance ends when Sookie suggests dating first. Warlow responds with the back of his hand to her face. He’s basically like, “Bitch, I’m not down for dating. I’ve been trying to wife you for over 5,500 years. I don’t have time for Buffalo Wild Wings, bouquets of flowers and late nights talking about your feelings.”
He ties her up and she attempts to use her light, threatening to expel herself of all her fae-ness, but he just ties her up tighter. He even calls her a danger whore! How rude. All he wants to do is marry her and use her for sex and blood. This Wookie (that’s Sookie and Warlow for you newbs) love story just took a dark turn.
Team Save Sookie: Bill tells Jessica that he’s lost all of his powers. Thank Billith! I never want to look at a bloody, naked Lillith ever again. He tells Jessica about the deal Sookie made with him and Jessica convinces him that he shouldn’t give up. There’s still time to save her! They give Jason the Wookie scoop and he’s pretty f*cking pissed, like he should be. Bill knows the only way to save her is to get to the fairy plane. Unfortunately, the only way to get through the portal is with a fairy’s light and that means they need Adalyn. Jason is ready to roll out and save his sister. He’s really pumped up about this. Come on, y’all!
Jason and Violet convince Adalyn to help save Sookie and Andy agrees to go along with the plan if they can go in gun’s blazing. Jason’s down. In the meantime, Bill leads Takahashi into the woods, erases his memory and gives him a bag full of cash. There’s the Bill we know and love. Adalyn, Bill, Violet, Andy and Jason head to the cemetery and Violet ends up scaring Adalyn into zapping them into the fairy plane. Bill manages to injure Warlow and get enough time for the whole gang to retreat to Sookie’ house. That was a f*cking terrible plan because Warlow’s been invited in and he just blows pass Andy, Bill, Violet AND Jason. He finds Sookie in the bathroom and Sookie remains in badass mode, staying sassy and telling him that she’s not his to use as he pleases. We see Niall pop out of the bathroom portal and hold Warlow until Jason can stake and kill him. Sookie and Jason pull Niall out of the portal and just like that, Warlow is dead and Grandaddy Niall is back from dark-fae-land.
I had such high hopes for Warlow’s character, too. Oh, well. I guess Sookie will just have to find someone else to fall in love with. All of a sudden, we see Violet, Jessica and Bill lose their fairy blood high in a zap of light. Cut to Eric chilling in the buff in the Swiss Alps reading a book. He too loses the fairy blood perks and bursts into flames, but not before we get to see his baloney pony in all it’s glory. For those of you thinking that Eric died, you need to STOP. Look at the send-off they gave Terry. They’re not getting rid of everyone’s favorite character just like that. Pam’s going to find him in a cave somewhere. Have faith.
Six Months Later: Flash forward six months and Sookie is on the couch watching Bill being interviewed about his best-seller, “And God Blend.” Umm… pretentious much? Anyway, he’s talking to the interviewer about how Hep V was originally created and that it’s Burrell’s fault a large portion of vampires all over the world are now infected. Umm… say what? Okay, so I totally called on Twitter that Hep V was going to become airborne and infect humans. However, I don’t understand how it’s effecting vampires. They aren’t dying, just getting weaker, creepier and more blood-thirsty. Sookie doesn’t give a single f*ck that her brooding ex is on TV because in walks her new beau, Alcide, shirtless (finally), with a fresh haircut and looking extra fine. He picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. The two of them together is so adorable I can barely stand it.
It’s also worth mentioning that Jason and Violet are still together and she’s held true to her promise of withholding sex from him for a very, very, very long time. Let’s just say Jason is being quite giving but she refuses to return the favor… like ever. What a bitch! Anyway, Sookie and Alcide head to church and find that everyone’s blood is being taken and tested for Hep V. Also, come to find out, Sam is the new Mayor and Nicole is still pregnant and gorgeous. Sam invites everyone to a mixer, courtesy of Terry’s hefty life insurance policy. The point of the mixer is for each household to find a vampire that they’ll allow to drink their blood in exchange for their protection. Yeah, that didn’t go over so well with everyone. Sam warns them that if they don’t get protection, they’re in grave danger of being killed by the marauding band of Hep V infected vampires heading their way.
The turnout at the mixer is still fantastic, probably because the people of Bon Temps are always down for some free booze and food. We see James playing in the band, Tara and Willa hanging out, Lala, Arlene, Sookie and Alcide mingling with the townspeople. 
Tara’s mom asks if she can talk to her alone, and Tara begrudgingly complies. Tara’s mom tells Tara to drink from her as an apology for the way she treated her in the past. The fact her mom is so intense about Tara feeding on her, along with the fact she’s a skeevy bitch, makes me think she’s Hep V positive and she knows it. We also see Bill offer to protect Sookie but she and Alcide aren’t down for that idea. The way Bill looks at Sookie… he will always love her. Always. Too bad Eric is her epic love. Listen, I want Alcide and Sook to have their time to shine but Eric has to be the one in the end. It just has to happen. If his man-meat ever heals, that is. We also see Jessica go to Andy’s house to offer him and Adalyn, protection, no blood drinking required in return. She is so desperate for his forgiveness but he’s not having any of it. He puts a gun in her face but even though he doesn’t pull the trigger, he basically tells her to stay the f*ck out. Jessica stands outside the house on watch anyway.
I don’t know how he could ever find it in his heart to forgive her for killing three of his daughters (even though he only knew them for about a week), but I hope he does.
Party Crashers: The last scene we see is a bunch of f*cked up looking vampires making their way toward the mixer. At first we just see a few, but as the camera pans out there are dozens, possibly hundreds. The Hep V vampires are acting like zombies (zompires!) and their veins are all black and protruding like Nora’s were, and they are apparently too lazy to wipe their mouths after feeding. Why are they not dying like Nora did? Is it because she had so much injected straight into her? Is this a different strain? Basically, normal vampires need to fear catching it and humans need to fear being drained dry by the zompires. There were so many, I’m not sure how the vampires of Bon Temps and the humans can defeat them! I think we’ll start out season seven by seeing about 50% of the townspeople at the mixer getting straight massacred by these zompires. Eek!
This season was way too short! If we could please get 23 episodes a season, that would be fang-tastic. I simply cannot get enough Bon Temps drama in 10 short episodes. This season got a lot of criticism but I think it was the best since season 2. They finally brought the character’s story lines together instead of having 10 disjointed plots that barely caught enough steam to entertain us in an hour’s time. I cannot wait to see Pam save Eric (seriously, he can’t be dead), more Sookie and Alcide and what’s going to happen when a shit ton of zompires invade Bon Temps looking for clean blood. How are we going to wait until next season?! Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions. Until next season… #FangsOut
xoxo,
TeamTSD
