This episode was straight depressing… except for all the scenes Lafayette was in because he’s positively fabulous and hilarious. We saw Eric in one of his most vulnerable moments ever, said goodbye to yet another character, watched Jessica get it on with a snaggletooth fanger and saw Sookie’s cookies, again. Let’s get on down to the dirty deets.
Bill: So Bill decided to play diplomat this episode, but we still saw glimpses of the “old and good,” Bill Compton. He does the respectable thing, and goes to Andy’s house to pay his respects to Arlene. He shows up at Andy’s in the middle of Terry’s wake…in the daytime. At this point, no one but the dead guards and the decapitated governor know that Bill can walk around during the day. It was actually pretty hilarious when Bill showed up. Lala, Andy, his fairy daughter with like twenty names, Sookie, and Arlene (who was drunk as shit), all were standing in the living room when Bill walks in.
Yup. “Vampire Bill” is daywalkin’, motherf*ckers. Billith strolls in like he’s shitting fairy dust, and does the classy thing and gives his condolences to Arlene, and then he makes a peaceful truce with Andy. In more words than none, he told Andy he won’t kill his daughter if he stays away from Jessica. This would be a pretty fair trade off if Jessica didn’t already kill three of his daughters…but hey, whatever keeps the peace. Bill then approaches Sookie and tells her how he needs her to bring him Warlow, otherwise all her friends will die. Great, another ultimatum for Sookie to do whatever Bill wants. Fangf*ckingtastic. Sookie agrees, and Billith runs back to his mansion where he runs into Eric with a dying Nora in his arms (we’ll get to that in a minute). Billith, though, basically tells Eric that he’ll only try to save her if he agrees to head back to the vampire concentration camp. Eric, of course, is like f*ck you but I’ll do anything for Nora, and Bill proceeds to explain how he can see the future and that the entire main cast will meet the sun if they don’t do something about it. Eric knows they all just signed for a seventh season, so he agrees to help. OK, that’s irrelevant right now, but Eric does agree to do whatever Bill wants in order to try and save Nora. #butseriously #7seasonsherewecome
Sarah Newlin: Sarah McSkanklin goes to find her lover, Governor Burrell and sees all his guards dead on the ground. Then she spies his slain cabeza chilling in the moonlight. She kisses him (f*cking really?) and gives a speech about the evil of vampires and the goodness of God. She’s pretty upset… for about a second. Then, she comes up with the brilliant idea to pretend like Truman isn’t dead and run the the vamp camp herself. You know that bitch was just waiting for Truman to get whacked so she could take charge. Don’t believe me? Did you see her magenta power suit? She didn’t have that suit in preparation for being a stay at home mommy to baby Burell and hosting Sunday brunch for all the church wives. Nope. She has that suit because she’s ready to run shit, y’all. I think Willa is in major trouble now that the Governor is gone. Also, she tells Jason he has no leverage over her now that Burrell’s dead and throws him into Gen Pop, bleeding. What a snatch! She’s the new big bad (she’s going to try to mass produce Hep-V infested Tru Blood) which means she has to die.
Jessica & J-Stacks: Jason finally gets Jess alone in one of the camp conference rooms, and she’s excited to see him. When he tells her he’s here to save her she responds…well, she responds like she’s giving up. She tells him to live his life without her and all this shit and it sounds like she’s saying a goodbye. I’m terrified they’re building Jess up to die this season, and I am not emotionally prepared for that. Although, right now, I’m less than thrilled with her. She asks Jason to get James, the vampire who refused to have sex with her last episode, so she can thank him and Jason does as she asks. He gives them alone time which is a mistake because they have this lovely little chat and then Jess proclaims that all she wants right now is to BOP HIM! Why, Jess? Jason just risked his damn life to come save you and you were in love with him like, two days ago. Oh, AND she told James about the infected Tru Blood. Jess and James get it on while Jason’s getting thrown into Gen Pop. Tara steps up and tries to protect Jason from all the blood-thirsty ladies and that one Violet broad says, “he’s mine.”
He is not yours. Who died and made you queen V anyway? It looks like next week we learn that Violet is bad news.
Pam: I was loving me some Pam last night. She had the sass turned up to the max, and she used what she knows best to get what she wants: sex. Madame Pamela was doing the downward dog when her little sis Willa barged in, per Eric’s demand as he escaped the camp with a dying Nora, and gave her the skinny about how the jokers running the vampire concentration camp put Hep-V in the Tru Blood. Oh, don’t know what that is? Just ask Nora who looks worse than a zombie extra on The Walking Dead. Pam decides to put her frustrations with Eric making another vamp-baby aside and instructs Willa to alert Tara and Jessica only about the Hep-V and to keep it a secret from the rest of the imprisoned vampires. That way, they can secretly slip out without causing an uproar. Pam goes into her therapy session and seduces the (#creepy) therapist with her sex drive. Way to take one for the team, Madame Pamela.
While they do the nasty and Pam plots her plan for escape, her maker was #bizzy saying his goodbyes to his loving sister…
Eric/Nora: Oh, sweet Billith. Why does Eric have to suffer? He just keeps taking care of everyone: human, vampire, fairy and the like, and he loses those dearest to him. First, his tribal-tatted maker, Godric, and now his class- ass, philanthropic ex-bible-thumpin’ sister, Nora. Poor Nora was given Hep-V by those assholes at the camp, and it slowly (like, I’m talking molasses on molasses on MOLASSES slowly) killed her. Eric did everything he could to try and save her. He even begged Bill to give him his Lillith-infested blood, and Mr. Northman don’t beg to nobody. #BelieveThat. PS, Bill’s blood didn’t work. I will say though, while Nora bugged the shit out of me at times, I truly felt bad for her. We even got an amazing flashback (you know how much we love those), of how Eric and Nora met. Sweet, human Nora was a philanthropic aristocrat back in the late 1600s, and some rich Prince dude was obsessed with her, for obvious reasons that Eric later came to discover.
The rich royal guy sent Eric (who apparently did his biddings for a hot minute back in the day) to go grab her from the heart of the Bubonic Plague in London. She had caught the bug and was on her death bed. Eric saw something in her that intrigued him. She was honest and stubborn, and she didn’t change her morals, even in the face of death. Sound familiar? #VikingShit. Eric brought her to Godric and had him “make” (#pun) her into a vamper. She rocked it out for a solid 300+ years, and she was thankful for it in the end. It was f*cking poetic how she left this world the same way she entered…on her death bed. However, she was a pile of ooey-gooey nasty shit by the time Hep-V got the best of her. RIP, girl. As for Eric, he ended the episode with revenge in his eyes, and it looks like Billith is on his side. Vamper haters beware, you got two big bads coming for your asses with their #FangsFuckinOut.
Sook/Arlene/Lala: After Sookie got her fairy fix for the day, we see her laying in the fae world with Warlow. Warlow talks about how they, “consummated” their relationship, and Sook laughs in his face. Warlow, in all your years, did you ever think to go through college? Did you ever have a slutty stage? The fact that you signed a contract and kept your junk in your pants until it was fulfilled is noble and all…but please. It’s 2013, and Sook’s a fierce women. She’s had a rough couple of days, and she just wanted to get busy with a fairy vampire. #IAintMad. In the midst of Sookie bringing Warlow up to speed on how the present day works, she hears Arlene crying back in reality-land. Sookie tells Warlow she has to go tend to her friend, and Sookie finds Arlene crying in the cemetery. Sookie is a great friend and consoles her all day…and gets her hammered. While Arlene finds solace in a bottle of blackberry Smirnoff, Sookie and Lala check out the safe deposit box that Terry left. What they find is that Terry left Arlene a fat life insurance policy that had only been issued days prior, indicating that he knew this was going to happen. I’m not even sure if Sook and Lala should even tell her at this point. It might throw her off the edge. Can we just talk about how amazing Lala is? His power purple was fierce as hell in this episode, and I love how nothing phases him. Oh, Bill can walk in the daylight? Just another day in Bon Temps, bitches. Lala heads the kitchen and fixes himself something to drink. Amen, hookah.
Sam/Alcide: Sam and Alcide are having a rough season. Sam thinks he’s on the way out of the hell hole that is Bon Temps, leaving his bar and life behind, but he gets word from Lala that Terry is dead. Sam does the noble thing and tells Nicole she needs to call her mom and go home, while he heads to Bon Temps to pay his respects. #PureF*ckingMan. Nicole agrees, but not before a goodbye shower-romp. #classy. Nicole’s mom picks her up at the motel, and clearly knows that something naughty is going on, but let’s her daughter off the hook.
Nicole says goodbye to Sam, and we think she’s all good and well and BLAMO! She pops up as a prisoner of Alcide’s pack. Only, Alcide isn’t the one being the dick this time. Rikki asks Alcide when he returns, infront of the whole pack, what happened to Nicole and Sam. Alcide lies and says he took care of them and that they are dead. To his surprise, skank-were Rikki brings out Nicole and her mother, and it looks like the pack is going to kill them and Alcide! I know Alcide has been Jersey-Shore-douchebag this season, but he doesn’t deserve to die! Maybe if he takes his shirt off, his abs of Olympus will make the pack forget his lies and all will be well. #TeamAlcideTakeYourShirtOff
Well guys, what did you think? Is Sookie going to become a fairy-vamp and live with Warlow for all eternity, or will she bring him to Billith to save her friends? Will Alcide suffer the fate of being a tool the first half of the season? Will Lala get more screen time? And will Eric keep his cool or use his rage as vengeance for Nora’s death? UGH! So many questions, and we have to wait until next week to get some answers. Leave your thoughts below. #FangsOut